Looking Back Moving Forward

So Jess and I are packing up everything so we can move to Vermont. Jess found a bunch of hiking trail maps from North Carolina and Pisgah National Forest and got sentimental about them. Surprisingly I was not sentimental about the maps. Maybe its the librarian in Jess that would make her want to save them and categorize them. But for Jess it was also that these were the trails that she discovered big woods are big fun. She discovered the joy and peace that comes with being in the middle of nowhere. Her first backpacking trip and even her first poop in the woods happened somewhere along the trails in these maps. For me, these trails were a continuing evolution in my road to happiness. I am never done learning more skills in the outdoors. Even after spending 6 months hiking the AT, I still learned more about spending my time in the woods and making sure I make it out of the woods at night. I learned a great deal along those trails in the maps. The biggest thing I learned along those trails was to love Jessica. We are inseparable and our happiness is directly linked to one another. It was in the mountains along the streams and ridge lines that this bond was formed.
But yet I feel very little connection to the maps. I have always felt that a map is a tool that must be used correctly. It is a tool for the future, however. Future adventures, future time learning more about what makes me tick, future time to return to a state of peace in my life. The past is kept in my memories. My memories are very valuable to me. The best pictures I have ever taken were not taken on digital format or 35mm film. There were taken on grey and white matter and saved somewhere in my head. I do not look at maps to remember the past, I look at maps to plan the future.
To prove my point I let Jess know about the maps she was not packing away. I once owned a folder crammed full of photocopied maps and USGS maps from Southern Illinois and Shawnee National Forest. These were the maps that helped mold me into the person I am today. Just as Jess had learned to love big spaces in NC, Shawnee was where I learned to appreciate small corners of very big spaces. I learned to find peace with myself and appreciate myself for who I am. The hills of Shawnee helped pave the future. The two weeks spent along the River to River Trail with Bob, Nina and Josh where two of the greatest weeks of my life. The RTRT helped me to love spending A LOT of time in the woods. My RTRT hike was a direct stepping stone to the AT. Finishing the RTRT with Bob, Nina and Josh was even more fun than finishing the AT because we all suffered together. We started and finished together, which is a joy I could not replicate on the AT. I dearly miss Lusk Creek, Bay Creek, Bell Smith Springs, Burden Falls, Panther Creek, Cedar Lake, Horse Shoe Bluff and a many many more places. But none of those maps have followed me to Boston and soon to be Vermont. I know I will never be able to return to the trails in Southern Illinois that I hold so sacred. And since maps are for the future, I have chosen not to carry them with me. The memories are firmly planted in my mind. And just as I will never hike Shawnee again, I will never hike Pisgah again. So the maps of Pisgah are now Jess's to cherish and remind her of what was. I will be finding new maps of Vermont in the mean time.